I am waiting for my return

I am waiting for the blessing I will receive 

and the feeling 

of coming home

I am waiting for love and beauty

in every day I walk 

in search of it

though it is not possible to replicate

from so far away

I am waiting for security agents

to stare in my eyes

and ask me question after question

of my intentions

I am waiting for the sound of prayer

I am waiting for a

Love 

Which can only be found

in the vastness of the Negev

I am waiting for zaatar 

I am waiting for labneh

I am waiting for fresh pita like crisp pillows

I am waiting for charif

the spicy, red sauce

to be eaten with everything

I am waiting for tea with cardamom

Honey

and dates

I am waiting for Hebrew and Arabic 

to float in the air,

singing 

so I will not ever forget them

or be without

I am waiting for the Kotel

I am waiting for the blessing

I am waiting for the closeness

I am waiting for the blanket 

to be wrapped around my arms

and my whole body

as if to say I am here

It also sat in my neighbors garden. Each time in passing, it waved hello with eyes half closed. My own eyes did not see, yet death came into the air through the act of silence and the act of lust.

When the acts are complete, I find escape in being hidden and distracted.

For what is progression but awareness?

Winter

Winter

The cold left

pink marks upon your skin

and the sound of the sky turning 

dark

still frightens you

I wash myself of you 

you become outside of me

and my heart returns to its rhythm 

It began with a painting of a mirror

and grew to be my return

“to go home is to be with your sisters and brothers.”

I learn their language

to make poems

and speak

My mother wrote love letters 

to me as a child

I kept them

Though they have no meaning

amongst the letters of her death

•

My love for You

is my love for myself

Where We Come From

Where We Come From

I

Where did you learn your language?

I ask this if those who speak like the song of birds

or those who speak my first language

II

In your home

there are dates

I cannot eat

with a stomach

so empty

III

Not becoming, it is

contentment in the mind

How different would it be to exist

if the right half of the body covered the left?

If instead of two sides, there was one side that became the shadow?

If instead of two halves, there was only one made known of the body?

The Spaces Between Us

The Spaces Between Us

When your body is soft

my body becomes soft

and of honey I am

melting

for you

When your body is raw

my body becomes raw

and of caves I am

abandoning

you

In the passage of time

it may be lost

Whether it lives by the gates

or at the center of the stone

There will always be

Love here

I speak an ancient language

It is revived

each time amen is said

While eating fruits

Or looking

at my garden

Even the poet

in Jerusalem

speaking about language

in nighttime barefoot

could not tell me

the meaning of the soul

Symbols of Your name

Include a Hamsa

and a Dove

Your name

is painted on the face

of every door

I can not remember

myself

before I knew You

In the nearest summer 

I will be there

As quiet nights 

fading into you 

What is love

without desire?

I became the lion and fed my parentless sister. With her honeycomb I made candles. We lived alone in the holy city. In my dreams, I met her infant self and she became my daughter. I became the mother.

I find it in Hashem.

I find contentment written in letters I have saved. I find it when I pray or on our path to the gate. That is the importance of the gate, I bring my daughter to it every day. Of ash, one becomes without it. She saved me. I became the lion.