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Month: September 2019

Pray and Pray and Pray

Pray and Pray and Pray

I must build a home in my heart

With windows for sunlight

Build a home,

Where it hurts

While building myself a home,

I realize there are diamonds in my heart

There is beauty and ability

More stability than I have ever seen

Everything is up to me

I will build a home in my heart

I will build a home in my heart

I look into your eyes,

and my heart jumps from my chest and into your palms

and your eyes

and your smile

they hold medicine

to my pain

That I will not find anywhere else

Except for in my own heart



There is thunder downstairs

It sounds terrifying.

I hope when I have a home of my

there is peace.

These walls provide a sanctuary

For now.



I feel fragile

as if I may break

I missed the sunset today

honey shield

I place over my swollen body

I created a boundary and no one

may break it except for my Mother

She understands

I feel fragile today

I’ll see you in my dreams

I’ll see you in my dreams

Do you know

how many times I vowed I would give you up?

that I wouldn’t need your love to feel I was enough?

Like an addiction,

I relapse.

All I am left with

Is my burning love for you

And each time

I know you are nearby,

I feel shivers down my spine

and now you won’t even look me in the eye

and we crave each other

But we will never touch again



To those who’ve ever wished

that they could feel nothing at all

That they could fall against the pavement

and no tears would fall

That they could see their scrapes and bruises

and they wouldn’t have to care

To those who’ve ever wished numbness

on themselves

I understand

The pain is too much

It becomes overwhelming

And you feel helpless

To those who feel they are drowning in a sea

I wish you will find your way

And I wrote this poem to say

I love you

There is no one like you

Embrace that

And you will swim through this sea,

it will become yours

What is your dream?

I want you to live it

My Hardest Goodbye

My Hardest Goodbye

This is my goodbye

Yes, I have decided

I will not turn back 

For you

Or the feelings inside 

Or for the thoughts that override

This is a goodbye to looking you in the eyes 

Actually, I want one more time 

To feel your arms

To see your smile

To look in your blue oceans

I despise you, crave you and love you all at once

I’d like to meet you again somewhere

Maybe I’ll drown in the memories

A day at a time

A day at a time

Monday I leave father’s house

Tuesday I visit my mother and brothers

Wednesday I go to father again

Thursday I’m far away, past the reservoir

Friday I go back to mothers house

Saturday mother takes me to the market

Sunday I sit alone in my room



Our love

was intoxicating

It burned in my throat

and whole body

That’s why I left

You couldn’t understand

How your presence affected mine